The Moon

A hundred paper cranes for おじいさん(grandpa)

2007-08-01T04:56:25Z

When I got home from work today, dad told me grandpa got the results from his latest bone marrow test. As of today he now officially has full blown leukemia. They are taking him up to Portland tomorrow to start a more aggressive chemo therapy.

In light of this recent development I have charged myself with the task of making a hundred paper crane for him.

For those unfamiliar with the story of Sadako and the thousand paper cranes, Sadako was a girl who was 2 when the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. Later on in life she developed leukemia. In Japanese legend if you fold a thousand paper cranes your wish will come true. So Sadako started to fold her thousand paper cranes. She almost reached 800 before she died. There is a memorial in Hiroshima for Sadako and people fold paper cranes and drape them over it.

Since my grandpa has the same disease as Sadako I feel it's only right to do this for him, to let him know I love him with all of my heart. If any of you want to fold cranes and send them to me . Myself and my grandpa (Jack Watkins) would be most grateful I can assure you.

If you don't know how here is a helpful site to get you started. If you want to send me some please get ahold of me so I can tell you where to send them.

http://www.sadako.org/How%20to%20Fold%20Crane%20from%20Operation%20Peace%20Crane.htm

For you locals of the burg Michael's has beautiful origami paper in the back 40-48 sheet s for a lil over 4 dollars, that's what I'm using.

Gackt Attack (Arena 37 scans July 2007 issue)

2007-07-14T22:43:21Z

I've yet to see these on the net. Any there are just too pretty not to share!. So I decided to share the love and go into work today and scan these and upload them for all you Gackt fans out there. 20 pictures of nothing but Gackuto!!!! Enjoy! Also the b&w photos are suppose to be grainy.

Me Betta

2007-05-28T07:27:23Z

I decided to update since I like...never do. I also stopped being lazy and changed the batteries in my camera so I can show off me pretty pretty boy betta. His name is Gackuto or Gackt and pronounced Gac-t not Gack.

Jes recently got a Betta and named him Miyavi and that reminded me of my betta a few years back named Epyon...yes I named him after a gundam, he was purple and pretty and I loved him. And I missed having a pet of my own and I wasn't about to get birds again.

So a fishy it was I decided. Went to the pet shop and after informing a very unconvinced owner that in fact the vase bettas he was trying to smell me where inhumane to them I bought the only blue betta they had along with a 1 gal fishy bowl n' supples. Total cost was like 38 bucks, not bad in my mind.

Got him home and then read up hardcore about the care of em and found out the fishy bowl is all right but not the best for them. Plus it didn't have a light and against black gravel he was kinda hard to see. So on friday after reading up on various tanks n' stuff I bought a tank at freddies. 54 bucks but hey it's got a light a filter and it's 3 gallons. So after fighting with him to get him into the transfer cup he's now in his new home and looks much happier.

Granted when he first got in there I think he was pissed and kept darting back and forth and flaring. He's alot more active and I think that's because the temp in this tank is warmer then in the bowl. In the bowl it was on the low end but in this tank the light helps warm the water.

Also discovered he's horny and very good at making bubble nests. Which is good, because that means he's healthy. Which reminds me of the mild freak out I had the day got him. I was reading up on fin rot and somehow misread that white tips on the fin was a symptom of it. Which isn't the case. It's black tips with holes in them. White tips is a sign of regrowth and actually a good thing.

So anyhoo he's happy, somewhat passive agressive (the anti-fighting fish if you will) and my boy. I so discovered he's a crowntail betta which is a fairly new sub species of betta created only in 97. There are three variations on the crowntail and if I'm correct he's the two prong type which is this one which is almost a dead ringer for him cept he has what's called "red wash" at the base of his fins which is a result of breeding and in blues hard to get rid off.

And now pics of meh baby

Yes out of focus but he's flaring, you can kind of make out the red wash in this pic too.

Where to Start

2007-05-03T03:07:42Z

Crap man...I haven't posted in like...ever. Been busy with shit like work and life in general. So What has happened with my life since my last post well lets see...

1. Got my new comp (huzzah!)

2. Got a guitar (huzzah again though I can't play jack on it yet)

3. Working 5 to 6 days a week (go me though I'm severely under paid, quite literally, but it's all good)

4. We had to let one of our girls go. (Thus why I'm working 6 days at the first and last week of each month)

5. I discovered having sushi for lunch and KFC for dinner will in fact make you puke.

6.Grandpa went to the hospital on Friday.

7. Grandpa came home from the hospital yesterday but isn't cooperating and thus is getting sick again.

Well I think that's it for now. I'm not in the mood to write anymore...

Yay!

2007-03-29T02:21:52Z

I didn't post this yesterday, because I thought dad had stolen my camera, which was not the case and I'm just a retard and it was buried under paper -_-'. Anyhoo here is a pic of my pretty pretty professional framed Haido oh he's so so pretty. The text reads : Another oneself who has the face of demon he finally revived. Not...quite sure what that means. I think that's a Jes question.

Another thing today is Eric and I ordered my computer parts. Joy 794 dollars later. But it'll kick ass. I so happy!

Celli-phone designs

2007-03-25T00:06:39Z

So Jesi babe here are your choices for your cellphone cover designs. I can do different fonts on the back or just have the heart on the back. But we can discuss that over IM. The price is gonna be $$18.00 plus $3.00 shipping so $21.00 all together.

1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6.

Back

1. 2.

Ah Christ....

2007-03-24T04:43:17Z

What a fucking week man...omg...

It's a week like this that makes me wonder, "Why the hell did I want to become a graphic designer?"

Finally got the Neon Moon Menus done! Thank you fucking Jesus! Had to do a total overhaul on a business card for a hair stylist twice.

Had a guy who thinks he knows a thing or two about Japanese culture come in and have us (well me) try to design him a card for his sword smith shop where he makes katanas and various other japanese style swords. So at first I was like YES SCORE!

The design he was talking about, I really wasn't going for. He wanted a picture of a blade with the hamon line very obvious. The hamon line is where the blade gets lighter on the edge. And he wanted the name of his forge which is Yakiba Forge to curve with the blade. He also wanted the kanji for Yakiba Forge and his "show name" which is Shodo or "Bright Path" on the card as well.

I go home and I figure out the katakana not the kanji for the text since there are over 10,000 different kanji symbols and I do NOT have the time to find the right ones. So I do my best checking with my dictionary n' all that. I do a line art of the blade and match it with the text. Yeah it's okay, it looks a little cheap and hokie. So I pull out the stops and do my own thing, thinking he'll totally go for them. I find some really cool pictures of a samurai with katana n' stuff and design some kick ass cards (not being vain here they kick)

I'm all pumped totally thinking he'll go for it. Comes in and right out of the gates rejects ALL of my designs EXCEPT for the shit ones. He absolutely does not want a picture of a person on there at all. Bashes my katakana saying he wants kanji and that what kanji was on there was wrong....which it wasn't I rechecked. So I have fine and take the picture of a blade he gives me and try again doing a lineart of the blade. So he and his "wife/girlfriend/fuck buddy" i dunno comes in and he still doesn't like. NOW saying he wants a photo of the blade *headdesk* so I very politely say that they aren't on the same page and his vision and mine just aren't keeping up. And the woman gives me this look like I'm full of shit and this should be a piece of cake what they are asking for. And yeah it could be if I wanted to do a shit job on it. But he was more understanding and thanked us for our time, but by the end of today I was sick of the whole thing. I put at least 9 hours of work into all of this and I got jackshit for it. Well...a got a dollar since the woman bought cd cases from us which Leslie gave me. Yay a dollar for nine hours work. What does that figure out per hour? It can't be much.... oh the fuck well at least that's done and over with.

I've also been stressing over health insurance and getting that figured out. I've also develop a lovely lump on my eyelid which has me mildly panicking wondering exactly what it is. I'm praying for a clogged oil gland and not something like...cancer.

On a high note I went to Jarvis Custom Frames and I will be having my pretty pretty poster of Hyde professionally framed. I also talked with Mr. Jarvis for like an....hour. I think I told him far too much about my personal life, but he was a great guy. He seemed totally interested in Hyde (even if he thought he looked like a girl ^_^) I might burn him my favs of Hyde and give it to him as a gift for giving my a little discount and listening to me unload off on him about that client and his damned "vision" for his card. He totally sympathized with me though so that was awesome. So yeah on tuesday I will have my pretty Haido back!! He said I was a pleasure to talk to, and that I wasn't a hassle when it came to picking out a matte and my choice was good. I didn't go for a traditional "cop-out" white I went with a color matte that matches some of the color in the picture. So yay that was the one good thing today. Oh plus Ron playing his japanese learning tapes and he an I confusing Leslie buy saying random stuff in various languages.

Just so show you why I'm SO mad here on the top three cards I busted my ass on. I lined out his name and address out of respect. And the black border is to show where the cuts would be.

My favorite and one Leslie tried to sell him on for a good three minutes it seemed.

And now for the ones he liked best and the second verson I came up with.

Randomness

2007-03-19T03:34:26Z

In the spirit of being an utter copycat at times here my 100 random things about me inspired by roy56. Enjoy my random crap

1. I am hardcore addicted to caffeine. I actually get scared if it's late in the day and I haven't got any.
2. Was born almost a month premature. Suppose to be on 27th but I decided I wanted out on the 3rd.
3. Though I work at a video store and my parents own it, I actually don't really enjoy watching movies that much.
4. After watching Beetlejuice and having the shit scared out of me I was randomly afraid to reach into the cabinets under my mom and dad's sink, fearing the the bettlejuice snake would get me. Not the sandworm the snake thing with his head. (Don't ask, I dunno either)
5. I own well over two hundred beanie babies, including some very rare ones. And I know almost all of the names. (This is not an invitation to steal them...mine...back off)
6. I have a scar on the top of my head where a garden hoe hit me.
7. I have a scar on the underside of my left leg where I cut myself on the bare frame of a car.
8. I have shit for lungs because of having phenomena around 6 or 7 times. However I can hold notes for a pretty long time. I just breathe shallow.
9. I do not travel well. I generally end up being sick (as Cora and Michele) thus I just don't like it.
10. As I've gotten older I'm getting more moles. God help me when I'm 50.
11. I more then likely have mild earing loss from sitting next to the drum set and in front of the guitar amp in pep band for 4 years.
12. The only parts of my body I like are my hands and legs from the knees down, what i consider the only "normal" parts of me.
13. I love shoe shopping but HATE clothes shopping with a passion.
14. I tend to only cry during animated movies (Lion King, Land before Time, Galaxy Express 999)
15. I am a wound inhibitor, which is a form of self-mutilation, thus the scars on my arms. I have no idea why I do it.
16. I can't pick my thumbs with the index finger of the same hand. Something about it turns my stomach.
17. I still sleep with my closet light on. Not out of fear of the dark, but I can't sleep good in total darkness.
18. Even when I'm alone in the house I still have to sleep with my door closed. The other noises in the house bug me.
19. I can't stand people who eat loud and smack their food or open their mouths when they chew. We're humans people not cows, close your trap.
20. My mother's coughing bouts annoy me to no end. Only my mom's.
21. I've always wanted to learn Japanese, yet Spanish comes the easiest to me.
22. I tend to go for guys that look like girls...
23. I can learn songs from an album just by listening to it in the background. Case in point I managed to learn all five of the Gackt albums I have in about a week and a half...go me!
24. I can still recite Notes from Phantom of the Opera doing all of the parts. Ask Lacey I did it for her one day at work.
25. I have a mask fetish. It started with Zechs Marquise from Gundam Wing and continued with Phantom.
26. I want to write a book, but I really don't read all that much.
27. I tend to fall for the bad guys. Or the one that redeems himself only to die.
28. I like foreign music more so then American. Gackt, Hyde, Rammstein, HIM, Carpark North, Pendulum etc
29. Am a total Youtube addict.
30. I love rping more then I probably should, and I get anxious if I don't get to post when I want to.
31. I can do a really good Indian (from India) accent, but it's a male voice...go fig.
32. Love turn-base rpgs (Final Fantasy) but I have yet to beat one.
33. Ended up teaching my computer aps 3&4 class in high school because I knew more then my teacher.
34. I crank up my music in my car for the sole reason of annoying people and getting them to look at me. (Japanese music blaring out of a blue car, I'd stare)
35. I have no patience for ignorance. I paid attention in school, why didn't you?
36. I had cobalt blue eyes till i was 3. Dammit I want them back!
37. I never want to be categorized as "general" or "normal"
38. When people pronounce my name right on the first try, it really makes me happy.
39. I hate having my name mispronounced by I like my spelling of it better then the normal one.
40. I use to draw all the time, but have since then lost what skill I had.
41. I have a hard time looking people in the eye when talking to them. So if I'm looking off in another direction or looking down I'm not being rude I'm just more comfortable that way.
42. Have a bad habit of totally spacing off while driving and go into this autopilot mode.
43. My depth perception sucks ass. "Objects in brain appear closer then they really are"
44. Have had dreams that actually hurt. Both involving me having a lip ring.
45. In my dreams I tend to not be in them. And "I" tend to be a man.
46. I was deathly afraid of learning to drive and didn't even get my permit till I was 16
47. Have a mild fear of dogs. I don't like them barking or growling when I'm approaching a house and when I'm in them coming up and having to smell and lick. I always feel like they are going to bite me. The only dogs I have ever liked was Tink and Butch both are sadly dead.
48. I have been felt up by a dog. Butch liked to lay with me and put his paw on my boob.
49. I have had another woman pinch my ass. She thought I was someone else.
50. When I get a new pen, I have to dismantle it and then put it back together. It's a total compulsive habit.
51. I have moderate carpel tunnel in both hands. Which means playing the piano or guitar would be hard, but I so want to learn to play them.
52. I got through radical changes in men I like.
53. The "My Pictures" folder on my computer is a great timeline of all of my obsessions. It's rather amusing.
54. I love singing in foreign languages more then English, especially Japanese.
55. Love listening to someone speaking Japanese, something about it I love. Especically Gackt's voice...mmm.....smexy.

56. Have an addiction to Ruby Red Squirt aka "Liquid Crack"
57. On my right hand I can touch my index finger and pinky finger together. I have yet to find another person that can do it without using their other hand to do it. (Go on, try it)
58. Am not afraid to rock out hardcore in my car while driving and I don't care what I look like singing along.
59. I was born during the Young and the Restless and for some reason I loathe that and all soap operas.
60. I have a fear of math. I refuse to take anymore math and when asked to figure something out even if it's simple I get nervous and my brain just stops functioning.
61. I learned to thrill my "r's" by listening to Rammstein. Thanks Till!
62. Am a total and utter cat person. I will always have a cat with me for as long as I live.
63. Smokey Joe is my baby boy and I must love on him at least once a day.
64. When I sing, I try to mimic the singer. So with foreigners singing English I take on their accent. It's a habit I'll never be able to break. If anyone wants a laugh ask me to sing Evergreen for you. I think I have Hyde's accent down pat.
65. The dentist thinks I'm a laugh riot...I'm just me
66. Because of having my wisdom teeth pulled I know loathe yogurt.
67. I consider pie or green tea ice cream by themselves a meal
68. I prefer to bake rather than cook, even though people say baking is harder.
69. I have had a ringing in my ears since around 6th grade
70. My parents don't, nor will ever know I do pin-up art. (No not me posing. My 3d models...perv)
71. I secretly want a BJD (ball-jointed doll) but lack the 500 dollars for one.
72. Probably the only person in my family that can't drive stick well. (I fail)
73. Totally have a think for men in thigh-high boots or big heeled shoes.
74. I can only wear converse or shoes without a sole. Shoes with a sole hurt my feet.
75. I have a birthmark on my knee that I swear looks like the profile of a Dr. Seuss character.
76. People think I look Greek or Indian. I am Indian, just the Native American kind.
77. One of my major annoyances in the sound of people biting their nails and that little muffled "pop." It makes me want to hit them.
78. I get really uncomfortable when people comment on how pretty or "beautiful" I look.
79. I really hate it when people use God as a fall back for something they can't explain. "God moves in mysterious way" "It was the Lord's will" etc etc.
80. If I had to pick a god to worship it would hands down be Ganesh. I heart my fat elephant headed god.
81. I have an extreme fear of bees. Meaning I see a bee, I run away.
82. Felt a ghost in my aunt's house down in California
83. I associate Lava soap with my grandparents house, and love the smell of it.
84. Had the biggest crush on the green ranger when Power Rangers first came out.
85. I remember the first rated R movie I got to watch. Judge Dredd
86. I still have the ticket to the showing of Jurassic Park we went to go see.
87. No one thought Gerard Butler was hot till 300 came out. Who's laughing now bitches!
88. I have watched every movie Gerry has been in that we have at the store. Out of the 7 we have he's died in 4 of those.
89. Cannot watch Phantom of the Opera without the stereo blaring organ music.
90. Have a raised k-9 tooth I call my fang. I can make it poke out over my lip like I'm a retarded vampire.
91. Cake and ice cream together is disgusting to me.
92. I have a soggy bread quirk. If the bread is soggy I can't eat it. Except for a French Dip.
93. I despise cheeseburgers.
94. Believe truly that Satan lives in Kraft singles and that they are evil.
95. Am a firm believer in reincarnation. Smokey was a drag queen in a former life I swear
96. I find graveyards to be extremely beautiful places and the thought of dead people being buried there doesn't bother me a bit.
97. Love the quiet when it's snowing
98. Forever fascinated by cherry blossoms and watching them fall.
99. Like horror movies, but don't like jumping, which I do quite easily.
100. I think of scenes in my stories to help me fall asleep.

There more things you wanted or needed to know about me.

Enjoying the Little Things

2007-03-18T06:19:11Z

As a whole, day was a pretty nice day. Got up and went down to Leslie's to get the cd for Austin's service made up. We had minor issues but they eventually got it fixed. A tiny tiny bit of the "y" on Story is cut off, but oh the hell well.

After that I went to the burg and proceeded to blow oh about 190ish bucks on clothing. around a 170 of that was what I got paid by Leslie so yay.

Got "workish" clothes so I look nice down at Leslie's stead of the 20 year old I really am. One kimono dress (very pretty) a pair of black capris, black docker slacks, bamboo black flip flops (because I can). Then went to Maurice's and got another pair of jeans. Along with two over shirts and two tanks to mix and match. One of the over shirt is...can you believe it...PINK. Yes me...I bought something pink. Well salmon pink, but still omg pink to me. Also some earring and earring necklace pair. Also got sucked into applying for one of their cards. So yay credit.

After that went to the Julius and snagged me a strawberry sensation since I'm been like craving one for ever.

Since the whole week has been so nice I've been driving with the windows down, so of course this means Sutherlin and Roseburg have been subjected to very loud Japanese music. and today was no different. I had The Cape of Storm blaring from my car as I was pulling out of the mall, yeah got a few looks.

I was gonna take the freeway, but I decided. "Hey it's nice out, lets take the long way home." so I went for a cruise on the old highway. Cruise along at about 50, let my thoughts wonder, it was a really good feeling just to enjoy driving and the nice day. I find that ever since last Sunday I've been really appreciating these little things in life.

While driving I came to the answer to why Austin's passing has had such an effect on me. He's the first person I've known to die that was younger then me, or close to my age. Well granted Billy Parnell died this summer, but he wasn't my friend just a class mate, that I really didn't like.

But Austin is the first young death I've had to deal with. Those younger then you aren't suppose to die. It's really made me think, really brought things in perspective. I really don't get emotionally worked up about it, but just makes me sit down and think about life and all of the little joys.

So I suppose I can thank Austin for showing me a new way to look at life.

Thanks buddy, love you...

EDIT: PS My Gackt/Hyde mood theme is finally done, woot!

Somewhere

2007-03-14T06:06:24Z

Very proud of this. Please enjoy.

You're Always in My Heart

2007-03-12T06:28:22Z

What a way to start a day. Jesika came down this weekend and she and I went to her sister's Junior Miss pageant last night. Got home around 1, computered it for a while, robot chickened it for about an hour then finally passed out around 4. I finally decide to get up and take a shower around maybe 1 or something, not 100% sure because of the time change.

I'm changing and the phone rings. I don't get to it in time, but I hear that it's Lacey and she has something to tell me. So I call her back. And right straight out of the gate she says "Pam called and said to tell you Austin passed away today." My heart just clenched. All I could say was "Oh my god." I think I at least somewhat managed a "thank you" and hung up.

It's a mix between sorrow and this horrid guilt in me. I'm sad that he's gone, but what makes it worse is that we never actually got to meet, and we never will. He's never gonna get to see the picture I made for him. We're never going to play video games side by side. We're never going to get to watch Moon Child and he'll never get to laugh at me for being an utter fangirl about it. He'll never get to play a Wii. There are so many never's. So many things he never got to do, and now will never do. It isn't fair that he had to die at 16 and here I am healthy and fine and almost turning 21. So many things happened that were amazing in my life after I was 16. Things that he''ll never have.

What probably makes it even worse is I was going to try to visit him today after I took Jesika home. And the last time I talked with him we just said night, didn't say bye didn't *hug*

I feel so horrid inside, though I know I shouldn't...or should I?

I love you Austin, and I miss you so much buddy. You'll always be in my heart.

Way to have a heart attack

2007-03-10T10:01:55Z

OMFG I'm shaking. Never been so fuckin' scared in my life. For a few minutes I totally thought I was a victim of fraud. Got an e-mail from this DAYZERS LOTTERY UK OFFICE. Saying they need to confirm a Western Union Money Transfer of....five hundred fucking thousand dollars! I felt sick when I read that. Praying that meant I was "suppose" receive instead of send. They gave me a phone number which didn't work and an e-mail which was a ....yahoo account which I'm "suppose" give all my account info to...yeah...that's gonna happen. I sent an e-mail to the address saying to stop any and everything and cancel whatever the hell was going on.

Got online at Western Union and called their customer service. I think the lady on the phone with me though I was crazy, because I'm just ranting saying I dunno what the hell this is and I want it stopped. She calmly said it's a fraud e-mail and not to worry and not to reply to it. So phew I'm safe. But then in the back of my mind I'm wondering. I did reply....granted I gave no info, but could there still be a way. I mean they got my e-mail if I send something back with nothing can they still magically get my info. So I call back and well Western Union was like "It isn't us we can't help you. Call your bank and have anything with that blocked. So I be dialing Umpqua bank first thing and telling them to watch out for anything. So still mildly freaked but not as much. Omg I totally thought I was royally fucked there for a moment. Jesus Christ.....

More Writey!

2007-03-10T09:00:34Z

The next lil bit of writing in my story.

He was only given a few minutes of peace, before there was a knock upon the door. Not even so much as glancing at it, he kept his stare outside, looking out at the ocean disappearing off over the horizon. Another knock sounded, louder, more insistent.

“Angel?” a muffled male voice asked cautiously.

He recognized it as the voice of the village leader, Thomas Woodridge. His least favorite visitor from the village, even if he did owe the man his life. Thomas had pulled him from the waters off the bay, and saved him from being crushed against the rocks. Though within the course of the same day, he had condemned him to this cottage, and quite unceremoniously clipped him of his wings. That thought made his back ache, the pain still fresh in his mind.

With a small sigh, he drew in a breath. “Enter,” he said quietly.

The door opened with a click and swung open, revealing a middle-aged man standing there. Thomas looked to be in good health, but had spent many a hard year and his age was showing on his face. Well build and strong looking, it was odd to see such a man standing there uneasily, wringing his rough callused hands together.

A few moments of awkward silence passed, as the angel did not stand, nor speak, or even look his way to acknowledge him. Clearing his throat, Thomas took a hesitant step past the door's threshold, the old wooden planks of the floor creaking.

“I am here to, ask something of you,” Thomas said quietly, his eyes looking to the frail figure perched upon the bench.

“Of course,” the angel said, his jade eyes flicking to Thomas then back out the window. “why else would you be here?” licking his dry,cracked lips.

What sat on the bench was a whisper of what had first fallen from the skies. Wasting away, he grew thinner each day. Refusing to eat the rancid gruel they said the script told them to make for him, and barely drinking any water, he was slowly dying before their eyes.

With another soft sigh, the angel turned to face Thomas, his sad eyes fully upon, his attention finally pried away from the window. “What is it you wish to ask of me?” His expression was tried, and one looking though he truly didn't want to know what Thomas had come to ask of him, but felt obligated to.

“It is merely a simple request, I assure you.”

A slightly amused grin briefly passed over his face as he snorted. “Simple is a matter of perspective. Simple is relative. Flight is simple for a bird, but impossible for a human.”

Thomas pursed his lips, wondering how he had worded his question so wrong. “I apologize for my ill-worded question. I came here on the behalf of the villagers. We only ask you come outside briefly.”

Giving the man an indifferent look, the angel was silent for a long moment, before drawing in a breath. “And do what purpose?” he asked simply, his pale brow arching just briefly.

“To comfort, to inspire those who have come to see you. Many have made the long trek to merely lay eye on you. Many ill, or seeking hope. They wish to find it in you. Please angel, we only ask of you this simple request.”

“Please, do not call me that,” he said, wrapping his arms around his drawn up legs.

“But it is what you are.”

“Yes, but it is not my name. You do not go around the village calling everyone human do you?”

“No, of course not. I use their name.”

“Exactly. An angel I may be, but it is not my name.”

“I would use it, but you have never told us what it is.”

“My true name I cannot give, nor if I did, could you pronounce it,” his gaze went far off for a moment, lost in a memory or thought.

“If I have not a name to call you by, then what?”

“Names are not important. But as for your request,” letting go of his legs, he let them slide down, his small feet, touching the floor softly. Standing, he moved across the cottage with a simple inhuman grace, the most gentle of sway to his hips. Standing only a few feet from Thomas, it was obvious how diminutive the angel's stature was compared to his. The man had almost a whole foot on the angel. “Tomorrow, early in the morning I will see them. I am very tired today, I wish to rest. Go, and tell them tomorrow.”

Lowering his eyes from Thomas' the angel reached out resting his pale and delicate hands upon the man's own tan and leathery ones.

“If so many have come to see me, I cannot deny them their simple request. If so many seek hope from me, all I may do is inspire them,” the words came out as if practiced, hollow and without any real meaning.

But Thomas' attention wasn't on his words, it was upon the tactile between the two. His eyes were transfixed their hands. Utterly enthralled by this simple act, he only came out of the trance when the angel removed his hands. “Oh, yes, I will tell them. I will tell them immediately. Thank you, thank you so much,” he said with a bow of respect, before leaving the angel once more alone in his prison.

Finally! Writing again!

2007-03-09T10:19:08Z

Yes, after what seems far too damn long, I'm back and writing again. This story is the result of far too many hours staring at Gackt and Hyde and watching all four of Hyde's Roentgen music videos at 2 am. Story is untitled. This is just the first page and a quarter. Enjoy. For reference I included a pic ^_^. Yes it's a dude...deal with it.

The air was thick with the smell of salt. The gentle ambiance of the the ocean waves breaking on the rocks below, drifted upon the soft breeze. Dull grey overcast light filtered in through the time worn windows, casting its glow upon the soft, yet solemn features of the small cottage's single occupant. Who sat upon the window bench taking in the dreary day.

Medium length hair hit just below his shoulders. Wispy and white, it looked spun from the stars. It framed his face, which was delicate. His features weren't chiseled, but gently molded as if by a skilled artisan. Nothing was harsh about him, soft flowing curves, but not too curvy to mistake him for a woman.

In the pale light, his hair and skin seemed to glow, as if there were lit from within. The air about him seemed, almost surreal, as if he were something out of a dream made real and breathing. Though at the same time there was a heavy feeling around him, a deep and aching sadness. A long for something far from his reach, the sole thought of his mind; freedom.

For as quaint as the tiny cottage was, and its view amazing, being perched upon the cliff, it was still his prison. A prison he would more then likely remain in till the end of time. He had done nothing, no law had been broken, no crime committed. His prison was such only in his perspective. His 'jailers' saw it as protecting their predestined gift from heaven. In the small village of Whitewater, it was told in an ancient scripture that a gift from heaven would fall from the sky and plunge into the waters of White Angel Bay. This most precious gift was to treasured, loved, and protected at all costs, for the land would flourish in the presence of their gift

To protect their gift, the scripture had given a spell and way to bind him to any place they so desired. Thus, the lonely cottage was where the villagers had decided to keep their treasure and admire him for all time.

And admired him, they did. The trek from the village to the cottage perched precariously on the cliff's edge wasn't quick nor easy, but many made the journey in the hopes of seeing their angel. Their sole desire to lay their eyes upon him, or hear his sweet voice If ever so blessed to even touch his supple, unmarred skin, and ,in essence, heaven itself. They begged for miracles, begged for blessings, begged to hear words of comfort, of wisdom.

So worn by their near idolatry of him, he only withdrew further into himself. Once he had found simple pleasure sitting in the small garden the cottage had, he now dared not to even venture past the threshold of the door. Tumbling further and further into an all consuming depression, his thoughts turned only to freedom. To break away from the confines of this prison, to go as he pleased. To one day, perhaps take to the skies he loved so much. The small sliver of hope was all he had left to cling, and he did so desperately.

Eyes the color of un-worked jade stared sadly out the window, and to a spindly branch. On it sat a simple drab grey bird collared in white and marked in black. Nothing special, but it enthralled the angel. A thin hand opened the latch to the window an swung it slowly open. The bird didn't startle, keeping his perch on the branch, which bobbed in the breeze. Then, as if on cue, the bird started to sing. His song was sweet and simple. It carried on the breeze, mingling with the sound of the waves. The bird sang his song, on and on, as if he were singing for the angel and for him only.

Listening to the little bird's song, the angel felt something inside him stir. The cold grip of sorrow that had held his heart loosened and a warmth had started to fill him again. He lost himself in the bird's simple song, for a moment forgetting his confinement. He soared upon the bird's song, his soul taking flight in its sweet melody. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath, letting the song sweep over him. His heart ached , so long had it been without joy, it was almost painful. Placing a frail hand over his heart, just the slightest hint of a smile, curled on his lips.

But then as easily as the bird had filled him with joy, he took it away with a few flaps of his wings. A tiny cry of despair came from him, as he reached out for the bird, face etched with grief and longing. Withdrawing his hand, he latched the window once more, and with a slow, soul aching sigh continued his blank stare out the window.

Happy Day

2007-02-26T23:51:21Z

Today was a good day. My gackt bracelet came in! Booyah! So Jes that means your necklace is in too, sucker is friggin' heavy. I now get why gackt wears beaded bracelets with it, thing slides around everywhere when you move your hand. Oh well I so happy. Also my cell phone cover came so now I have gackt on my wrist AND on my phone. Eee!

Heart to Heart

2007-02-25T04:18:13Z

Well, as I had said, I went to go see my grandpa today. It was just me and him alone for a good hour and a half.

Mostly it was just him talking and me snapping a picture here and there. It was nice. He told me a lot of stories, asked about how things were going with me.

He even mentioned a few topics I didn't think he'd even bring up. He told me what really had happened with my grandma when she was dying, and what he'd gone through during it. I even told him how I felt like I didn't have a chance to say goodbye because of the morphine drip she was on, and he took that well, which surprised me. He said she was in so much pain that the high doses of morphine where the only thing keeping her from yelling and screaming at everyone. I guess her passing wasn't as smooth sailing as I thought.

But all in all it was a good talk we had. I got a whole roll of black and white film of him just sitting there talking about.

That's what my grandpa does, he talks. And I was more then happy to just sit and listen to him. Even if by the end I end up with the drawl. Can't wait to get these pictures developed. I might post a few here.

Eventually I want to make an art book out of them.

It's here!!!

2007-02-24T07:26:17Z

Sweet and beautiful Sho and Kei are now mine in all their DVD glory!!! EEEE!

Capturing A Memory

2007-02-23T03:20:06Z

Things with my grandpa have started up again. This whole week he's been in and out of the hospital since he fell. Because of the frostbite he had in Korea he can't feel his feet at all and pretty much his legs too. Hence he can't feel his feet when going up or down stairs, thus leading to a fall which he did. Also he's just starting chemotherapy and that's got him all worn out, just to add to it all.

Thankfully he didn't break anything, but his legs have been hurting and after a pharmacy of drugs they finally found one that stops the pain, hopefully.

But today Dad came up to me and asked when my next day was. He said that I really should pop on over and see him, if only for a half hour or so. And I full intent to, but I'm also going to pack along my camera and take a whole roll of pictures of him maybe two if I have a color roll sitting around. I really want to capture him while he's still the way I want to remember him. I don't care if he doesn't want me to he's gonna get his picture taken, just pray I keep it together while I'm taking them.

God Bless YouTube

2007-02-17T05:27:54Z

Since my copy of MoonChild is on backorder (which causes much sadness) I searched on You Tube in the sliver of a chance someone uploaded it. Bless ringosake and bless YouTube I have my pretty pretty Kei and Sho. If you've got a spare like...2 hours and don't mind reading...WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!! So beautiful, so sad, sooo good. Note: Ignore the kids creepy smile.

OMFG LMFAO

2007-02-13T07:30:02Z

Oh dear Christ this is just brilliant!!

I gots a Razr bitches!

2007-02-10T22:34:57Z

Yesterday was a good day even if I did work 6 1/2 hours, because work is awesome like that. I mean I get to hang out with Leslie and Ron, who maybe old enough to be my grandparents, but they are so down with technology and so much fun to be around. I love em! Plus I get my own snazzy computer which is the coolest thing I have ever seen. The computer and keyboard are all one unit looky looky!

So cool and so fast, I loves it. I want to take it home with me. >.> So I get to hang out with cool people work on an awesome pic all the while rocking out to whatever music I want. Leslie actually told me to take breaks and not overwork myself, even though I was only working on a brochure and a business card. I got free lunch from Peddotti's...yum and got done with everything like an hour so I BS-ed around on the comp and talked with Jes....much fun!

But it gets even better. When I got home Mom was in the kitchen and she was "Do you want your birthday present now or later?" I walk into the kitchen and there's a mother fuckin' Motorola Razr V3 box on the counter. I squeed and thanked her like 5 million times. So I got online to check out face plates and I stumbled across THE coolest site ever! It's called www.mytego.com and they print totally customizable high quality durable vinyl overlays for just about anything you'd ever want to stick something on. So needless to say I found the Razr temples and this is what I ordered eeee! Pretty pretty gackt!

Front Face Back Face

Much Anger....

2007-02-06T21:38:11Z

As some of you may know, I've recently started to watch Angel. It's on between 3 am - 5 am which really helps my insomnia...go me. Anyways I only watched it when I couldn't absolutely asleep, but over the past two weeks I have been HOOKED. Yes me how proclaimed I would never get hook as been dashing into my bedroom to turn on TNT.

Just last week I balled during an episode where Fred (Winifred) died in Wesley's arms from a parasite demon asking "Why can't I stay" After just like two episodes before Fred had proclaimed her love for him OMFG!!! The demon/god thing took over Fred's body and was called Illyria. She/It though still retained Fred's memories and had the ability to look exactly like her. Illyria has blue hair and omg blue eyes whereas Fred didn't. So I was like "Woo there might be a chance that Illyria will get over her disgust of human and love Wesley, score."

Okay jump a few episode and Angel is acting all the bastard. Being evil n' all which freaks out the rest of the gang. They confront him on it and he says he's joined this secret demon society called the Circle of the Black Thorn and he's joined it so he can kill them all because they are all like the major evil powers in the world. He always wants to go over the Senior Partners which is The Wolf The Ram and The Hart the demon owners of Wolfram and Hart law firm which they all work for.

OMG this mission that Angel is asking them to do is a total suicide mission and they probably won't succeed but they'll shake up the Senior partners and show them that they wouldn't be used anymore. So I'm thinking "OMFG how...how are they going to get through this!!!"

Next episode Angel gives them each a member of the circle to kill. So everyone goes off to kill their demon. Everyone does okay except for Wesley...of course because he's the weakness. He gets stabbed in the stomach JUST as Illyria walks in and proceeds to punch her hand through the demons head...ouch. She kneels down by Wesley and says the wound is mortal and she cannot help, because asks if he would like to be with Fred. He says yes so she turns into Fred. She's crying and he's saying how much he missed her and how much he loved her. She says the same and holds him as he dies. (cue another ball fest from me)

So the gang minus Wesley and Lorn who did his job and left because the violence and killing wasn't his thing. The Senior partners are pissed and pretty much destroy the Wolfram and Hart building trying to kill Angel and his son Connor, who came to papa's rescue while he was fighting Hamilton, the Senior Partners right hand man. So there is Angel, Connor, Spike, and Gun standing in a dark alley when Illyria shows up which tears still in her eyes and says "Wesley is dead, I grieve for him. I wish to do more violence." (It's the way she talks go with it)

Then there is this huge roar and from another alley corner comes this army of demons and monster. Gun says "I'll take the 33,000 on the left and you take the 33,000 on the right?" Angel steps up with his sword and says "Works for me, but personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon." And then the group charges down the alley and the episode ends.

So at this point I am like "OMFG what is gonna happen? How in the hell are they going to make it out of this one! Can Wesley come back and live happily ever after with Illyria? What what what!"

So here comes last night and I dash into my bedroom and watch 15 minutes of X-files just to make sure I don't miss. So it starts and....it's the.....FIRST EPISODE OF ANGEL!!!! The last episode was the SERIES FUCKING FINALE!!!! What the fuck?! What in the hell can you end a series like that! Oh my god I am so pissed. The hell was Joss thinking when he ended it like that. Mother fucker argh!

So moral of this story, Angel has the worst series finale ever in history....ever!

Please excuse my dust

2007-01-29T00:27:37Z

I have decided to overhaul the eljay so pretty soon my journal will be a mess. Prepare for an overhaul of the eastern kind. Thank you.

What the hell

2007-01-21T02:04:04Z

I saw the ipod thing on roy56's journal so i decided to do it. Lets see what we get.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What does next year have in store for me?
End Credits pt 2 - Corpse Bride ("Die, die ,die, die") well gee...that's happy...

What does my love life look like?
WHITE SONG - HYDE ( "Our broken hearts-paint them white. Lead us into a wonderland. Pure as the snow-virgin white. A new beginning") Ooh...cool sounds good

What I say when life gets hard?
Apres Midi (An afternoon in Paris) - Gackt/Malice Mizer ("The street was as it always is that day. A gentle wind began to blow as I watched the passers-by. Then amid the bustle of chattering lovers I glimpsed your smile as you walked by.") Not quite sure by this one, but meh

What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
Wish You Were Here - Rasputina (" How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground. How we found the same old fears. Wish you were here.") Christ I'm over him!!!

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Alter Mann- Rammstein. I'm not even gonna go there....ew....

What do I want for my career?
Suicide - Meat Beat Manifesto ("It's suicide....it's suicide...") Jesus....

What is my favorite saying?
Holding out for a hero - Bonnie Tyler ("I'm holding out for a hero, he's gotta be sure, and he's gotta soon, and he's gotta be larger then life") *Snort* so true...

Favorite place?
Buck Dich- Rammstein. o.O ...Fuck...no...

What do I think of my parents?
I'd Be Surprisingly Good for You - Evita I don't know about this one either...I maybe hick, but not THAT hick.

Where would I go on a first date?
SHALLOW SLEEP - HYDE ("I just saw you. A moment far too brief. Before the daylight came. But my heart is beating fast. Perhaps we'll meet again") *Sigh*

Drug of choice?
Liken a Razor - Adam Pascal (" I liken a razor to the way you cut the bone. Get down on my knees and lift you up onto your throne") Erm so I guess not a drug but weapon???

Describe yourself.
You Think You're a Man - Full Frontal (Turn around, stand up like a man and look me in the eye. Turn around and take one final look at what you left behind")...again...not going there...this is what I get for having gay disco-tech...

What is the thing I like doing most?
In Joy and Sorrow (Short String Verison) - HIM (" In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms") Christ....

The song that best describes the president?
Maria (I like it loud) - Scooter ("Maria believe me I like it loud") eh that could work I guess

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Papercut - Linkin Park ("Why does it feel like night today? Something in here's not right today. Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left I don't know what stressed me first Or how the pressure was fed But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head") Yeah that could work

How will I die?
Trenchmouth - Rasputina (" Yeah, he was big landowner. He was a bad mouthbreather. But you can see his station wagon stand alone.
Woulda, coulda, we should have known.") Joy I'm gonna be murdered by a mouthbreather....

The song that will be played at my funeral?
Tetris (techno remix) Jesus I can see that being played too...such a nerd... -_-'

The song I'll put as the title:
There's Nothing Like A Show on Broadway - Producers *giggle snort* cool!

Total Songs:
1869, 3.6 Days, 5.98 GB

Sorted by Song Tite:
First :" "Woohoo" " - The 5 6 7 8
Last: "Invitation to Freedom (Jiyu no e Shotai)" written in katakana - L'arc~en~ciel

Sorted by Artist:
First: "The Addams Family Theme" - (Karaoke) Various
Last: "Face up Face Down" Yu-Gi-Oh

Sorted by Album
First: "Black Betty" - Spiderbait
Last: "Hyper Love" - BUCK-TICK

Ten Most Recently Played Songs: (There's a pattern here....)
1. ILLUMINATI - Gackt/ Malice Mizer
2. SECRET LETTERS - HYDE
3. THE CAPE OF STORMS - HYDE
4. ANGEL'S TALE - HYDE
5. NEW DAY'S DAWN - HYDE
6. A DROP OF COLOUR - HYDE
7. OASIS - HYDE
8. EVERGREEN - HYDE
9. WHITE SONG - HYDE
10. UNEXPECTED - HYDE

ICON DUMP!!!

2007-01-17T09:33:53Z

Woo in the spirit of MoonChild and the beauty of Hyde and Gackt tada! ICONS